Money Problems in Marriage

Posted by: Michael S. | Jan 11,2008


It’s a pretty grim subject, especially for the newlywed category.  I’m tempted to not even touch on what to do if a marriage goes south because newlyweds should be thinking about a happy future together, not the potential for divorce.  But Henry’s column today got me thinking a bit more about divorce.  It’s important to remember that every divorced couple were once happy newlyweds.  It’s smarter to be prepared for the difficulties in marriage – which are going to happen, whoever you are – then stick your head in the sand and believe that everything’s going to be eternally blissful.  

There are times when money can take a huge toll on a marriage.  Imagine a situation in which things are going otherwise well.  You don’t make a huge amount of money, but you’re able to live comfortably.  Now one person in the marriage is drumming up a huge amount of credit card debt.  Maybe that person forgets to pay a bill one month, shooting up the card’s interest rate.  Maybe he or she spends cash via debit – cash that was meant to be used to pay above the minimum towards debt.  

There are a myriad of ways that a spouse can be irresponsible with finances.  Spending money unwisely is tantamount to putting the household at risk, and by extension the marriage.  It was fine, maybe, when the person was single, but now he or she has to be accountable to someone else.  It’s as if the person’s saying, “You are not as important to me as my own personal fulfillment.”  I don’t think it’s overstating it.  There’s a lot of emotion tied up in money – a lot of past history and a lot of hopes for the future.  You could make the argument that the spouse is being unfaithful.  Maybe it doesn’t have the sting of adultery, but it’s hurtful.  

So money is no small matter.  What can you do?  If you’ve got a healthy marriage otherwise, the spouse shouldn’t be completely defensive about changing his or her habits.  If he or she is defensive, however, this may speak to deeper problems in the marriage.  In a way, problems with money are a litmus test for the marriage.  The way you deal with money problems together shows your resolve as partners.  

It can be difficult to just cut off a spouse: take their credit card and cut it in two.  But sometimes this type of gesture is needed.   Communication should be your first action though.  Think of it like diplomacy is better than fighting.  If you’re frustrated it can be difficult to act calmly about these topics, but it’s necessary to not be either overly defensive or overly aggressive when somebody is not holding up their end of the bargain.  

Sponsored Resources Ads by Google