Dating and Debt

Posted by: Michael S. | Dec 13,2007


So you want to be a newlywed?  I’ll address this post to a person who’s still looking for that special someone.  What if you happen to be thousands of dollars in debt?  Earlier on this blog I’ve written about how a young couple can talk about finances.  It can be difficult if one person, or both spouses, bring debt into a marriage.  

The difference with this situation is that the couple has already made a commitment to each other.  They can devise a way to work through the debt together.  If a person leaves a relationship because of credit card debt problems, then probably that relationship wasn’t meant to me.  

What do you do, though, if you’re on the first or second date.  For some, even splitting the bill with a date can be a financial burden.  Who knows, maybe dating itself is responsible for much of the credit card debt.  Just like a lender might look at a low credit rating and deny the debt, a date might look at a bad debt situation and recoil.  It’s not necessarily a case of superficiality – the idea that money is more important than anything.  It is understandable if someone is concerned if their date is in major financial difficulty.  

The answer to this problem is to wait to tell the person about the debt problems.  I, personally, don’t feel this is a case of lying by omission.  Instead, it makes sense for two people to get to know each other before certain issues are raised – whether it’s former girlfriends, childhood problems, debt, or other sensitive topics.  You don’t just launch in immediately about debt problems, make sure that you’ve got a sympathetic listener.  Once you know that the person is keen on making some type of commitment, then you can reveal some of the financial difficulty you have been facing.

Just like married couples, you need to come to the table with some sort of game plan.  Don’t just say, “I’m in debt and I’m in way over my head.”  Go into your game plan for dealing with debt: budgeting, paying off high interest, basically be optimistic about the problem rather than pessimistic.  This won’t work with all people, but it will work with those that you were really meant to be with.

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