A Relationship with Money

Posted by: Michael S. | Jan 19,2008


I’ve spent a fair amount of time here talking about how young married couples absolutely must deal with their debt problems head-on and as soon as they get back from the honeymoon.  Studies have shown that money is one of the top reasons for marital strife, throughout a marriage.  The way you deal with money is a kind of litmus test of how you work together as a couple.

I want to take a step back from that kind of talk and say that on the surface it seems pretty unromantic.  Sure, there are a lot of debt and money concerns that come with marriage, but whittling it down and calling a marriage a “business arrangement” is pretty dangerous territory.  Dangerous?  Yes, because it suggests that the marriage lives or dies with its profit margin. If the money-side of the marriage isn’t going well, it means that the marriage is doomed for failure.  

This just isn’t true.  I’m sure you got married because you enjoy each other’s company and like sharing your lives with each other.  This should be a part of the equation as much as all the dollars and cents.  Marriage takes emotional investment, it’s not just all about being pragmatic.  If that sounds obvious, I’m writing this to temper some things I’ve written in the past about tackling financial issues together.  If you don’t first have a sound relationship with each other, you’re never going to be able to tackle any difficulty you’re having in regards to finances.  In short, money doesn’t come first, the relationship does.  

That said, if you’re on solid ground with each other, it’s a very good time to start working on financial issues.  In this way, newlyweds are in a good position to work together: they’re just starting out together and are eager to be part of a team.  Each person brings certain personality traits to the table.  You’ll come to know how your spouse views money and how you both view money as a couple.  But only if you have a strong relationship to begin with can you start working on this very important issue.  

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