Unbalanced Marriages

Posted by: Henry B. | Jan 11,2008


I’m a guy so I have a particular perspective on marriage.  In all the info I’ve read about debt and marriage men are the biggest culprits of lopsided financial management in marriage.  I say that I’ve had to “read” about it because that’s not how our marriage is laid out.  We handle the burden of debt management and savings equally.  I’d like to pat myself on the back for that one.  

But many women are in a different situation, so I’d like to address that.  I’ve written somewhat about how men take the driver’s seat when managing finances, but I haven’t yet taken on the emotional component.  Women are by and large more nurturing and men more aggressive so this ties into how a husband or wife might tackle debt and finances.  

There are cases where a woman might bear the burden of a husband’s past problems with debt because she is a more nurturing personality.  Take a case where a woman transfers a balance from her husband’s card to her own card, which might have better terms.  A problem can arise if the marriage goes south and then the wife is stuck with a husband’s debt.  

Even if the marriage goes well, this can create an enabling dynamic, and it works both ways.  If a husband or wife thinks that s/he can merely transfer a balance and all is made right again, this won’t necessarily change bad spending habits.  There are all types of dynamics in marriages so I’d like to tackle all of them.  While it’s common (too common) that women are left out of the loop entirely, there are also cases where a woman takes on most of the responsibility for debt management as a way of managing a healthy homelife.  

The answer is to work on these issues together, rather than have lopsided management.  Silence isn’t golden when it comes to managing a husband and wife’s finances, it makes for an unbalanced marriage.  

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